October 2, 2014

My Rainbow Pregnancy Journal {week 17}

If you interact with me on Facebook or Instagram, then you know we are expecting! This is the first I've really talked about this pregnancy here on the blog though, so no worries if you're totally like, "Whaaaa?! She pregnant?!" Yes, yes I am. :)

We lost our daughter Jane on February 17th of this year and really weren't expecting to conceive so quickly. We were surprised and thrilled, and so, so grateful.

I am due March 12th, 2015 and am 17 weeks today. :)

I was very ill this time with severe morning sickness called hyperemesis gravidarum that has already subsided, glory to God! I had HG with all four that have been born alive and no nausea at all with our two born to heaven. I don't subscribe to the idea that morning sickness is THE sign of a healthy pregnancy. Many, including my mother, never had it! But I cannot deny the hope that swelled in me for this tiny life when I started to get sick really early on.

The last time I saw one of my children on an ultrasound screen... she was dead and misshapen and breath failed me. I was so nervous walking back into that same room where we were told how sorry they were just a few months ago for my 10 week "dating ultrasound." The hard-labor preacher and I both cried and smiled big smiles as we watched this one alive, heart beating, fluids wooshing, limbs wiggling.

Baby D started moving where I could feel them about 3 weeks ago. I hadn't ever felt Jane move before she died, so I realized with these first movements that my soul had been waiting 7 months to feel life move in my womb. With every little flutter, kisses to my soul. :)

I will begin to write more about this sacred dance journey between grief and joy that is a rainbow pregnancy. It's important. Thank you, friends, for walking through this time in support and for being excited with us about this new life. :)

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