March 20, 2013

A Soul Worn Thin
{Marriage & Mommyhood Link-Up :: Session 2, Week 6}

Looking at him across the room, my beloved of almost a decade of covenant, I myself shocked at my elevated volume and annoyed tone.  That sarcastic foreordain slip was out, and there was no taking it back.  He now knew exactly how I've felt about this particular thing.  This, even though God had very specifically led in my spirit to keep it quiet and pray, instead leaving it up to the One who can communicate with my husband best.  His steps were slow, non-confrontational, and yet strong.  His eyes were frustrated, yet his words spoken from a heart willing to grant benefit of doubt   --   "I will think on that, but in the mean time, why don't you give _______ a call and go get some coffee with her?"

It had been awhile.  Too many goings on and no priority made.  Hesitancy to take the time for myself, battling over the question, "Is it selfish?  There's just so much to do..."

A few days later her tender eight year old eyes told me everything I needed to hear; not that I wanted to.  I couldn't rewind that moment.  There was no "do over."  In her eyes, shock and despair that I would lose my patience so abruptly and let all my frustrations out in her direction in one fell swoop.  In her eyes, more communicated than she knew to tell me   --   momma's been walking on the edge too many days now without timed out refreshment.

Time in quiet intimacy with the Lord.  Time with a friend or friends.  Just time where I'm not pulled in every opposite direction, stretching and pulling, straining my soul, wearing it thin.   

It's a soul worn thin that emanates Romans 7:19-20 so strongly in me --

For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

I struggle hard with guilt over taking time for myself.  But refreshment is a necessity and needs to be made priority in my heart and mind.   As a result, while life (or myself) doesn't get magically perfect, God and I are tighter, I'm much for gracious and supportive to my husband, and have a greater ability to see my children through God's eyes. 

All this just from taking a moment to refill my cup.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened,
and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

Matthew 11:28
Amplified Bible (AMP)
What are some ways that you struggle with guilt in taking time for yourself?

What are some things that you do to refresh your soul?


Welcome to our weekly Marriage & Mommyhood link-up!  Please feel free to share any post on marriage, mommyhood, faith, or family below. This week we are continuing our walk through the No More Desperate Moms Resolution, with resolution no. 7: I will not feel guilty for taking time to refresh my soul. 

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