Parenting in Love = Self-control Plus, a "Loving Our Kids On Purpose" GIVEAWAY!

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As encouraged in the copyright notice of "Loving Our Kids On Purpose" by Danny Silk, here is a short excerpt for personal study:

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The following statement is the revelation that we need to get if we are going to align our relational paradigms with the Truth:

You can't control other people, and nobody can control you but you.

Someone can stick a gun in your mouth and say, "Deny Jesus Christ," and you still have two choices. Realizing this truth is the key to taking the initiative to control yourself and stay true to your convictions.

The ability to manage your children and yourself toward the goals that you have in being a parent rests in the ability to tell yourself what to do and do it no matter what they've done or are doing.  Just as God is able to say to us, we want to be able to say to our kids, "I will be a loving, respectful parent no matter what you do."

But so often, we give our self-control away to the mistake of our child - or our spouse, our parents, our friends, or others. When we give our self-control way, our thinking turns off  and our emotions kick up. And when our emotions are flailing around, it's like being intoxicated - filled  with poison.

Angry, fearful reactions to people's mistakes reveal that somewhere in our minds still lurks that fundamental belief of the Old Covenant, not only that people can be controlled but that they need to be controlled, and they need to be controlled with punishment.  They need to experience the pain of our anger so that they won't make mistakes that cause us to feel out of control.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

--1 John 4:18 NIV

If we want to create a normal for our family relationships in which love rules our interactions, then we simply must refuse to partner with any and all fear.

The Holy Spirit who lives within us equips us with all we need to respond to our kids and everyone else in our lives without fear - in fact, to respond to them in a way that drives out fear.

It's  important that we understand that Holy Spirit is the true spirit of power.  Anger and violence are false powers that we grab onto when we are controlled by fear. The reason we have been given the Spirit of Power is that we need power.

It takes power to hold onto your self-control and manage yourself in the presence of temper tantrums, disrespect, and other childhood crises.

The reality is that walking in the spiritual fruit of self-control is supernatural.  But as believers who have been raised from the dead and have the Spirit of God living within us, supernatural is exactly what our lives should be.

The fruit of the presence of God in our lives is self-control:

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

--Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

Now the awesome thing is that when we believe that we are the only one who can control us and we exercise that power of self-control toward loving God, our spouses, and our children, we are partnering with the Holy Spirit and inviting His kingdom to reign in our homes.  But when we partner with a spirit of fear, we invite the kingdom of intimidation, manipulation, and anger to reign.

No matter what your intentions are as a parent, the fact is that you are cultivating a loving or fearful environment in your home, and that is what is really influencing your children.

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