Fridays are for writing for five minutes.Only five minutes.Stream-of-consciousness style. Like you did when you were in 9th grade. Write and see what comes out. There’s no right or wrong.
Today's topic: Expectation.
What else can I do but desire for what I would desire for?And yet, when applying these desires to people, more specifically the closest people in my life, at the center of that desire is....I.I desire my husband to acknowledge my feelings like this...I need my children to listen to me like this...I hope my sister to see me like this...I still need this from my mother...I need this kind of attention from my father...I is at the center, starting point for it all.It doesn't mean my desires are all selfish ones. No, most are positive/would be great for our relationship (in my opinion).But it all still comes from my single perspective and desires them to meet or live up to a need I have.How quickly do my desires for them to fill become...expectations they are unable to?How much of what I desire to fill my emotional bank account from these relationships becomes an invisible contract I have drafted, forged their signature, they know nothing about, and then left incapable of meeting my need?
I takes no effort to be me, because I am me.It makes perfect sense that I would desire people I love to behave the way I need them to...not as who they are apart from me. Anyone else on earth will always find it difficult to be me. Not because I'm so special, but because they are so them. I would have just as much trouble being my husband as he would trying to be me.So consequently when the people around me get tired of not meeting my needs, do they conform/bend to my expectations? Then, of course, it would feel like to me that everything is going great / we're all at peace / everyone's doing what they should.All the while I am walking around the house carrying an invisible bar for them to meet, that they see but I do not.This is not peace for them.
I wouldn't be content if I knew my husband was committed to his marriage, but not to me. I would want him to be committed to me, not the thing / or things I do or don't do according to his own expectations in our relationship.
So maybe instead of committing my emotional needs to expectations in our relationship, and them not being filled...I commit to the person instead.